OK, so you worked super hard on getting the right sound and mix. You spent countless hours recording, writing lyrics, mixing, designing the cover, naming the songs and countless other things. You sacrifice family time and even sleep hours working on the production. You carefully craft the marketing and promotion of your album, pick a release date, start announcing it on Facebook and start writing articles and sending it out to magazines to review.
You decide to send the album to your very best friends before the release date…the ones who encouraged you to keep making this music after they heard the first album with terms like, “Sick!” and “This will definitely get signed!” and “Amazing!” and “Can’t wait to hear the next album!” The diehards. The ones who are rooting for you.
You send them a private link, making it super easy to listen to the music. They even say, “Cool, I’ll listen to it tonight!”
The a day goes by. Then a few days. Then a week. Then the release date comes and goes. Others take notice. You get some promises from magazines about reviews (which means THEY like it).
But silence from your friends.
The thing is, you feel like you don’t want to bug them by asking them what they thought. You think it will be awkward and weird and desperate sounding.
But the fact is, you feel like something has gone wrong. Something has broken. It’s not like you were asking them for a 1000 word essay. Just a short, “Man, this is good stuff!” or “Cool!” or “Dig the songs, bro!”.
Take this article as me stating what most creatives go through on a daily basis.
A friend of mine told me something her Dad said: “Get tougher, enjoy it, like it, and see who else likes it.” This is the best advice, and definitely my goal as to what to live by.
If you are a creator/producer/maker/builder/innovator/inventor/etc. Keep it up. Keep doing awesome things. The world is awesome because of you.
So, here’s my top 10 reasons why I think you are getting nothing from your “friends”.
10. The private link you sent them doesn’t work.
But you tested it, right? Oh, you didn’t test it? Go test it now. I’ll wait…
Oh? It works. Well then, that’s not it. Dropbox is usually pretty reliable. So is Soundcloud. And Bandcamp too. Maybe their earphones weren’t working, or their phone broke, or their computer crashed. Oh, wait, you have seen them post status updates since then. Nevermind.
9. The music is so awesome that it blew them away.
Maybe they are now intimidated by you and have raised you up to celebrity status. This could happen. Maybe they feel like you probably now have thousands of “likes” and tons of new fans. You wouldn’t have time for their menial little opinion.
Hold on, you still haven’t even hit 100 likes on your Facebook page. Right. I see. And they haven’t “shared” your music or said something like, “Holy crap, just heard the new Me, Extinct. Album. It literally blew me away.” Or even something like, “I have no words to explain how I feel about the Me, Extinct. album.” … Wait.
8. Facebook sucks.
We all know this. It’s the truth. You can’t rely on Facebook for any sort of promotion. Well, maybe just a little, but not much. With Facebook changing its rules and functionality, especially for its Business Pages and Fan Pages, you can’t expect that anyone is going to even SEE your status update or your post about the new release. Most people don’t know that “Sharing” is king. Liking a post means very little. But that doesn’t relate to the non-replies from the direct messages you sent.
Maybe your friends have sooooooooooo many private messages that they can’t manage all of them coming in. Maybe they didn’t get your message. Maybe they haven’t checked Facebook in a few weeks.
But some of them actually replied didn’t they. Nevermind.
One thing here is that Facebook is probably not the best way to send these types of “important” messages. But maybe it’s the only contact you have for them. I understand. Facebook has become, for me, the only way to communicate with some people.
Maybe I scared everyone off by posting strange things like dead birds and a rooster singing heavy metal and stuff like that. Maybe everyone turned me off their news feed.
7. Your friends are too busy.
This might be legitimate. But it’s probably not. You have probably seen Facebook posts and Instagram pictures coming from them since you sent them your music. You may have even seen status updates claiming they have nothing to do or how awesome some other band is.
Maybe your friends are on a “Facebook Fast”. Maybe someone’s grandmother died and left all the funeral arrangements to your friend, or maybe they had a table saw accident and can’t type anymore. That is so sad.
Here’s the thing, though: I listen to music on the way to work, during work, and on the way home from work. If I went to the gym, I can assure you that I would be listening to music.
Maybe music isn’t as important to them. And they don’t know how important it is to you.
6. Your friends lied to you about how they felt about the last album.
People are polite. People are generally nice and they don’t want to hurt your feelings. Such nice friends. Really. Caring, kind, sensitive. Gosh, you are really lucky to have friends like that. These are the kinds of friends you want.
No one likes to be told they have a booger peeking out of your nostril. No one enjoys when they are told, “Don’t mention the war!” before a visit to an elderly Veteran. Everyone hates it when people actually have the unmitigated gall to mention that there’s toilet paper stuck to your heel. Oh, and the nerve of people that don’t have the decency to mind their own business in the parking lot and go out of their way to tell you that you left your lights on! Or that you left your window down and it’s about to rain. Arg!
The truth is, “Hey, your music sucks.” is probably one of the hardest, most insensitive seeming things you can say to an artist. But some people need to hear it. Maybe saying it a different way, like, “Hey, it sounds like you are making progress with this music thing…keep it up!” or, “These songs sound worlds better than your last project, but keep working, I know you’ll make a hit soon!” or even, “Hey, Some of your songs are pretty interesting, and some have great potential. Really enjoying watching you develop your talent.”
Any of those would work to basically say that you heard the music, but it wasn’t your favorite.
I don’t expect my music to be anyone’s favorite.
5. All your friends are pulling off a massive prank.
I would not put this past several of my friends. I can see them now, just giggling at the fact that I wrote this article. I can imagine them all conspiring against me, saying, “When he sends you the new album, don’t mention anything about it. Just go about your regular life. Say something like, “I’ll listen to it tonight” or, “Can’t wait for your next album!”
In fact, I can see it going even farther back to when I first started making music back in 1997. Maybe the label was in on it, the reviewers, the discussion groups, the concert promoters. All getting in on this ruse to make me believe that I was making “Good” music, but really everyone is just snickering.
If this is true, see #1.
4. They misread the message and thought you said, “I don’t care what you think.” Rather than, “Please, let me know what you think.”
This seems improbable, but you know, considering how fast life is moving, and how quickly we are presented with stimulus and need to disseminate and categorize and make order out of this chaos…I can understand misreading the message.
Even if they didn’t misread the message, there is just so much going on and so much vying for our attention. Coldplay has a new album, Family Force 5, Lacrea, Lana Del Ray all do too. Life is just so much to process.
Unless it’s about a cute baby animal doing something cute. Maybe my album cover should have been something like this.
So, does Chris Martin care what his friends think of their new album? Maybe he’s not as desperate about the opinion of a handful of people. Truth is, I bet they say, “I freaking love it!” even if they don’t. There is a novelty in knowing someone who is making music…especially if it doesn’t like totally suck.
The world is saturated with new things.
3. You are an asshole.
This has to be talked about. Are you an asshole? Are you the type of person that people are afraid to tell how they really feel about something? Do you have an excuse or defense for everything even if you don’t really know all the facts? Are you the type of person who feels like your music is super amazing and if someone doesn’t like it as much as you do then it’s probably because they are STUPID? Are you someone who might point out grammatical and spelling errors in someone’s critique of your music? Do you outwardly hate and ridicule when people tell you things that don’t agree with your opinions? Do you turn every conversation into something you did or something that happened to you? Do you feel like you are “right” about your opinion about your own music and the opinions of those that don’t like your music? Are you unapproachable?
Well, maybe it’s time to do some soul-searching.
2. Your music sucks. Your friends are embarrassed for you.
This one might just be the reality. At least for me.
You love your own music and think it’s cool, and may be even the best you’ve done.
But we kinda all secretly like the smell of our own farts too.
Maybe you haven’t found the right audience. Maybe that audience is just a handful of people. Maybe the audience is just you. You gotta be OK with this. You gotta take people’s encouragement and high fives with a grain of salt. It’s a novelty, first. They think it’s cool that you are making music, and it sounds kinda like some music they have heard before. Maybe even it’s in their favorite genre. But they have their favorite band, and are probably as picky as you are when it comes to finding new music.
How many of the bands your friends are in are your favorite?
Maybe you haven’t invested in their interests enough, and it’s inappropriate for you to expect anything from them. Maybe you need to look again at #3. I know I do.
1. Your “friends” suck.
Well, I put this as number one to be funny, but I don’t know if it’s funny “haha” or funny “hmm”. Maybe your friends are flaky. Maybe they don’t know how to give you critiques. Maybe they are self-centered and aren’t interested in things that don’t involve themselves. Maybe they are merely acquaintances. Maybe they are jealous. Maybe they just suck at being friends. OK, that’s pretty harsh. Maybe they just suck at giving their opinions.
Either way, the fact is, I don’t have a real answer. Some of my friends will probably read this and feel guilty, and then still not do anything about it. Some of them will agree with #3. Some of them will feel pity on me and see this article as an act of desperation. Maybe some of them will give in and tell me what they “really” think.
That would be cool.
I don’t think my friends suck. That can’t be the truth.
Solution:
If an artist sends you music and asks you to listen to it and maybe even asks you what you think of it, listen to it. If you can’t listen to it at the moment, let them know you will be listening to it at some point and give them a time span, and stick to it.
And then:
1. Tell them you dig it if you think it’s great.
2. If you don’t like it so much, tell them it’s not your favorite, but production or lyrics or guitar or drums or whatever is good.
3. If you think it stinks, tell them you don’t think it’s very good. Tell them to keep it up and keep practicing. Give them details of what you think is not very good ONLY if the ask you for details.
4. If they are a new producer, and it just sounds amateur, maybe give them some pointers. New musicians need constructive criticism. Tell them you are interested in listening to the song again after they work on it.
But tell them something. Even share it if you dig it. Sometimes, you might not like it, but you can still share it if you know it’s good.
Sharing on Facebook is king. Liking means almost nothing in the algorythm. Commenting is good, but sharing is the best. “Edge Rank” is the Facebook term for the algorythm that makes a post popular or not.
But, alas, for the new Me, Extinct. album, I basically tend to go with #2. We’ll see what the reviewers say.
Hope this list helped you. It therapeutically helped me, but I’m still in the same boat. Maybe I’ll just be more discriminating about who I send music directly to.
Or maybe I need to make music that people might actually like.
Nah.
The most hilarious thing here is this: here i am writing an article basically about wanting attention, and my band is called “Me, Extinct.”
What the heck, Jorge!
Me, Extinct. 